Friday night in downtown Minneapolis, beautiful summer evening and everyone was so happy. Faces lifted towards the sundown over our modest skyline, we ordered our drinks and watched each other move across the streets from table to table and venue to venue. Wine was flowing and cocktails were bright and festive, and there were plates of fresh sumptuous appetizers served by smiling waitrons in clean black shirts and pants.
Suddenly, from around the corner, a chilling scream, an agonizing moan of impossible pain,and everyone ran to see. It was a convertabile, or a float, or maybe something of each, with three white guys and one black girl riding in it, faces twisted in confusion and panic. The guy who was driving was in a wheelchair, and he was fat and red headed, and hunched over himself in pain. He was clutching a bloody blue and white kitchen towel against his privates. Something was terribly wrong.
"We need a band! We need to talk to somebody who's been a band that this has happened to before! Someone who has been in a band will know what to do! HELP US!"
People came running from every direction. Cell phones flashed 9-1-1's all up and down the street, and as for me, I yelled to them, "Hennepin County Medical Center is right up the street! Just keep going straight"
Fat boy was very pale by now, almost in shock. "We don't want no stinking doc or fucking cops! We need a band! Someone send us a band!"
I thought the kid was about to die, or at least pass out. The sea of people up and down the street, and crowding every side street was thicker than the mothers day 5 k walk at the mall of america, people everywhere!
Suddently the car stopped. Fat boy sat up straight and wiped his tears. Silence.
Then, BOOOOOOOM an explosion of fireworks from the middle of the float, and all 4 kids lept to their feet, electric guitars blazing, pounding their fists in the air
"THIS KID IS ALL RIGHT THIS KID IS ALL RIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT IS ALL RIGHT"
Brilliant! An instant concert with an instant crowd, who by the way, once they realized what had happened hooted in delight! Street theater at it's best and they were part of it!
They shouted back "THIS KID IS ALL RIGHT THIS KID IS ALL RIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT IS ALL RIGHT" and the music started, and it was loud, and everyone laughed and danced.
blackout.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
two chickens in love
what were the chances? two people dressed up in chicken suits at the same bus stop?! but there they were, a guy in a guy chicken suit and a girl in a girl chicken suit (you could tell the difference in sex by their clothing, tiny skirt verus necktie). the boy chicken did not think much about this but the girl chicken did! in fact, she made it her business to sit beside him on the #5 line. turned out one of them was dressed in a chicken suit to entertain some children, the other one was going to be offering s food samples at a local grocer (guess what kind of food). and then they fell in love.
Good Morning America got wind of this story and featured them on their "who woulda thunk it?" wedding series. they gave the girl a lovely gown and a make-over (she needed it bad), and a diamond and sapphire ring that looked more like head gear as she had to wear it like braces. how awkward, i thought, but she didn't seem to mind.
on the plane on the way back from their honeymoon the captain warned everyone that there was going to be a bumpy landing. he didn't say any more than that, nor did he warn them to sit down and buckle up. he figured most of them were grown-ups so they should just know to do that. but most of them didn't know to do that, they were wandering around all over the place in-flight. it was more like a cargo plane than a passenger plane, and wander wander they did.
all of sudden BOOM! bumpy did not begin to describe it! people and stuff flying all over just like when the titanic went from horizontal to vertical. i heard one guy say "aw cool! i love this part! look at all the food trays on the ceiling!" must have been russell.
when the commotion ended, the captain finally came on the loudspeaker and said "ok folks, watch your step as you exit the aircraft. please step around the dead bodies and the puke spots".
and indeed i think that is very good advice for any of us who are experiencing bumpy landings. just step around the dead bodies and puke spots.
Good Morning America got wind of this story and featured them on their "who woulda thunk it?" wedding series. they gave the girl a lovely gown and a make-over (she needed it bad), and a diamond and sapphire ring that looked more like head gear as she had to wear it like braces. how awkward, i thought, but she didn't seem to mind.
on the plane on the way back from their honeymoon the captain warned everyone that there was going to be a bumpy landing. he didn't say any more than that, nor did he warn them to sit down and buckle up. he figured most of them were grown-ups so they should just know to do that. but most of them didn't know to do that, they were wandering around all over the place in-flight. it was more like a cargo plane than a passenger plane, and wander wander they did.
all of sudden BOOM! bumpy did not begin to describe it! people and stuff flying all over just like when the titanic went from horizontal to vertical. i heard one guy say "aw cool! i love this part! look at all the food trays on the ceiling!" must have been russell.
when the commotion ended, the captain finally came on the loudspeaker and said "ok folks, watch your step as you exit the aircraft. please step around the dead bodies and the puke spots".
and indeed i think that is very good advice for any of us who are experiencing bumpy landings. just step around the dead bodies and puke spots.
Friday, November 27, 2009
the first snow
i had never been so tired in any life i had known. my feet were lifting and falling as if i were a stringed puppet. movement was hard like sand up to my knees, my eyes were heavy but i couldn't stop. the news had come somehow inside my head - something terrible and crushing had happened to colin but i couldn't find out what it was. he had screamed and then stopped and i had heard it but had not seen it. there was nothing in the paper, nothing on the internet, and every time i saw someone who might know something, they disappeared quickly before my feet could get me there. scalding lead in the bottom of my shoes and the more it cooled the more it hurt, iron shoes constricting in a sudden snow squeezing my feet short and small.
the restaurant looked like a perkins, with green flowerly wallpaper and faux country decor. cheap lacy curtains and factory made scarecrows sitting on shelves on the walls above the booths. it was crowded and bright and smelled like syrup and coffee and butter. the manager on duty was a very large black woman wrapped from head to toe in bright salmon scarves. she had a broad smile and scarred hands and was pleasant as she passed out menus and welcomed her guests.
another woman cut from the same cloth walked in, this one wrapped tightly in white, and the moment her presence came into this place was the same moment everything stopped. the room lost all energy and momentum. conversation stopped. not a breath in or out.
the woman in white shouted to all of us, "do not believe her, I am the priestess, not her!" i could feel the panic and wanted to help so i walked around the room and told everyone that there was just a slight misunderstanding, not to worry, but a surge lifted everyone up at once, straight to their feet and out the door.
i had made my way to the back room and waited for something, i don't know what. when i came back into the restaurant, it was bright bright white - white walls and tablecloths and ceilings and carpet. so clean and bright it scared me. there was no color or texture or smell or distance between one thing and another, and the people seated at the new tables had not come from anywhere. but there they were, faceless and ageless.
as names were called from the front of the room, voices answered sadly and steadily. each voice spoke two numbers. the first number was the age of the spirit they were carrying right now, and the second number was the age of death for that same spirit. the first voice said "9 and 14", meaning in life she was nine years old, and would die at 14. the second said "6 and 21" and the voices went on like this. all so young and none would live to be old.
the last voice said simply and sadly, "zero", and this was the spirit that would never be born and so
would never die.
the restaurant looked like a perkins, with green flowerly wallpaper and faux country decor. cheap lacy curtains and factory made scarecrows sitting on shelves on the walls above the booths. it was crowded and bright and smelled like syrup and coffee and butter. the manager on duty was a very large black woman wrapped from head to toe in bright salmon scarves. she had a broad smile and scarred hands and was pleasant as she passed out menus and welcomed her guests.
another woman cut from the same cloth walked in, this one wrapped tightly in white, and the moment her presence came into this place was the same moment everything stopped. the room lost all energy and momentum. conversation stopped. not a breath in or out.
the woman in white shouted to all of us, "do not believe her, I am the priestess, not her!" i could feel the panic and wanted to help so i walked around the room and told everyone that there was just a slight misunderstanding, not to worry, but a surge lifted everyone up at once, straight to their feet and out the door.
i had made my way to the back room and waited for something, i don't know what. when i came back into the restaurant, it was bright bright white - white walls and tablecloths and ceilings and carpet. so clean and bright it scared me. there was no color or texture or smell or distance between one thing and another, and the people seated at the new tables had not come from anywhere. but there they were, faceless and ageless.
as names were called from the front of the room, voices answered sadly and steadily. each voice spoke two numbers. the first number was the age of the spirit they were carrying right now, and the second number was the age of death for that same spirit. the first voice said "9 and 14", meaning in life she was nine years old, and would die at 14. the second said "6 and 21" and the voices went on like this. all so young and none would live to be old.
the last voice said simply and sadly, "zero", and this was the spirit that would never be born and so
would never die.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
where do munchkins come from?
the family reunion was not going well. everyone went off to different places and there were just two of us wondering what to do.
disneyworld! it's just up the street so off we went. we parked our car and purchased admittance, green oaktag tickets with strings which we attached to our shirt buttons.
the first exhibit was called "sketching" and it cost an additional 75 cents to get in, but you got a small carton of milk with that. i asked for skim. it was a magical display of creature drawings and models. holographs of tiny fairies flitted about and there was some jewelery - tiny gold electric guitars, funny bears and flowers.
a guide came over and told us "you must see the BEST room!" he took us to a window and the master craftsman was hard at work on the other side. the room was the size of a football field, part workshop, part art studio, and part prehistoric rainforest.
giant dinasours and furry four legged something or others were stalking each other and the artist was training them. they bucked and growled and fought with twisting necks and enormous toothy growls. "ok guys use your backing up skills and go for the neck this time!"
after a while we got tired and wanted to go home but we couldn't find our way out. it was worse than being drunk in a las vegas casino, there is never an easy way out. the "esmeralda's wedding" display seemed promising as there was a corner that said "information droid" so we thought we could get some help there. we made our way through the exhibit of leaping dolphins and hansome princes with black plastic hair singing their hearts out in time with the sprays of pastel fountains, esmeralda was dressed in red and gold and blue and this was her big day.
the droid told us that in order to get out we had to actually finish a tour of an exhibit and then we would find our way out.
back to the "sketching" room.
sure enough there was a stairway we hadn't seen. the stairs were pink with white piping and spiraled down. we took to stepping and down and suddenly were hiked up in the air like dad used to do when we were 3, and we landed softly on our butts and slid down down down and around around, bumpity bumpity bump!
at the bottom there was a pile of papers in the middle of a sunny room. there were palm trees adn lilacs and giant daisies and roses. a great big black bug - like a dragonfly in a plane from kittyhawk buzzed loud and flew in circles and told us "choose the right piece of paper and you will find your way".
which piece? there were thousands ! suddenly a large mouthed bass, golden with green freckles swam to me through a vent in the ceiling, he was swimming the air easy as water. he swam closer and closer to me, and gave me a great big smooch on my right cheek. as he backed away another bug jumped from his lips and gave a little bow. was it jiminy criket? no topcoat or cane but this he was green and sparkly and this had to be where the expression "cute as a bug" came from. he winked and jumped into the pile, landed on one white sheet and said"this is it"!
the paper was crisp linen with black letters that said: "an AFL-CIO approved van will pick you you up and take you to your car. turn around".
so we did and there it was! the van was small and crowded with green carpeted seats and the driver was a big fat guy with white hair and a white beard. turned out all of the other riders actually worked at the park, and they started chatting with us and telling us about their jobs.
the driver wanted to join in, so he turned his seat all the way towards us and laughed at their stories and i noticed the van was driving itself. doing a pretty good job, too. it even swerved to miss a teddybear wearing a cowboy hat that had fallen in the road.
the woman in tights the the magnificent eyeliner pointed at the big driver and said,
"well if you ever need a munchkin, he's your man. now THERE is a man who can father a munchkin!"
disneyworld! it's just up the street so off we went. we parked our car and purchased admittance, green oaktag tickets with strings which we attached to our shirt buttons.
the first exhibit was called "sketching" and it cost an additional 75 cents to get in, but you got a small carton of milk with that. i asked for skim. it was a magical display of creature drawings and models. holographs of tiny fairies flitted about and there was some jewelery - tiny gold electric guitars, funny bears and flowers.
a guide came over and told us "you must see the BEST room!" he took us to a window and the master craftsman was hard at work on the other side. the room was the size of a football field, part workshop, part art studio, and part prehistoric rainforest.
giant dinasours and furry four legged something or others were stalking each other and the artist was training them. they bucked and growled and fought with twisting necks and enormous toothy growls. "ok guys use your backing up skills and go for the neck this time!"
after a while we got tired and wanted to go home but we couldn't find our way out. it was worse than being drunk in a las vegas casino, there is never an easy way out. the "esmeralda's wedding" display seemed promising as there was a corner that said "information droid" so we thought we could get some help there. we made our way through the exhibit of leaping dolphins and hansome princes with black plastic hair singing their hearts out in time with the sprays of pastel fountains, esmeralda was dressed in red and gold and blue and this was her big day.
the droid told us that in order to get out we had to actually finish a tour of an exhibit and then we would find our way out.
back to the "sketching" room.
sure enough there was a stairway we hadn't seen. the stairs were pink with white piping and spiraled down. we took to stepping and down and suddenly were hiked up in the air like dad used to do when we were 3, and we landed softly on our butts and slid down down down and around around, bumpity bumpity bump!
at the bottom there was a pile of papers in the middle of a sunny room. there were palm trees adn lilacs and giant daisies and roses. a great big black bug - like a dragonfly in a plane from kittyhawk buzzed loud and flew in circles and told us "choose the right piece of paper and you will find your way".
which piece? there were thousands ! suddenly a large mouthed bass, golden with green freckles swam to me through a vent in the ceiling, he was swimming the air easy as water. he swam closer and closer to me, and gave me a great big smooch on my right cheek. as he backed away another bug jumped from his lips and gave a little bow. was it jiminy criket? no topcoat or cane but this he was green and sparkly and this had to be where the expression "cute as a bug" came from. he winked and jumped into the pile, landed on one white sheet and said"this is it"!
the paper was crisp linen with black letters that said: "an AFL-CIO approved van will pick you you up and take you to your car. turn around".
so we did and there it was! the van was small and crowded with green carpeted seats and the driver was a big fat guy with white hair and a white beard. turned out all of the other riders actually worked at the park, and they started chatting with us and telling us about their jobs.
the driver wanted to join in, so he turned his seat all the way towards us and laughed at their stories and i noticed the van was driving itself. doing a pretty good job, too. it even swerved to miss a teddybear wearing a cowboy hat that had fallen in the road.
the woman in tights the the magnificent eyeliner pointed at the big driver and said,
"well if you ever need a munchkin, he's your man. now THERE is a man who can father a munchkin!"
Friday, July 24, 2009
taking in strays
martha was never one to turn away strays. so when natalie the baby elephant showed up in her backyard, well of course she said "come on in!"
martha was my mother-in-law and god i miss her.
when we got to iron mountain, natalie was happy and lazy in front of the tv, so much so that it was hard to see the screen because her head was so big. but we adjusted, because she was so adorable. she had a fuzzy head but the fuzz felt more like bristles. it wasn't so comfortable to pet her but i did anyway, as i was lounging on the couch and she rolled her belly heavenward and wanted lots of pets. she was only a bit stinky but those huge grey eyes grabbed at my heart and pulled me back down to the couch and to "price is right",come on down. she smiled so big with her pink flappy lips when he said "come on down", imagine the giggle of a baby elephant!
time to go martha said, give nat a livasnap and a big salami and she'll be fine.
off we went in my best friend's miata which seats two but there were 8 of us and it was so much fun! everyone had their comfy spot, one on half-top of another, top down, stars brilliant.
when we got to the clam shack martha found a quiet area and ordered us all to march in place, march march march, which we did. then she hit the dirt on her back and led us through some senior calisthenics.
"arms out straight! now touch your chin touch your belly genuflect and now..elbows on your knees! do the bicycle!!!"
i mentioned to martha that this was not something i was dressed for and she said..."it's ok honey, just get through it. when we get home i am making hot toddies."
at home natalie was still lounging, and glen miller started to play and we all recovered from our sweat and we laughed so hard
and drank hot toddies.
martha was my mother-in-law and god i miss her.
when we got to iron mountain, natalie was happy and lazy in front of the tv, so much so that it was hard to see the screen because her head was so big. but we adjusted, because she was so adorable. she had a fuzzy head but the fuzz felt more like bristles. it wasn't so comfortable to pet her but i did anyway, as i was lounging on the couch and she rolled her belly heavenward and wanted lots of pets. she was only a bit stinky but those huge grey eyes grabbed at my heart and pulled me back down to the couch and to "price is right",come on down. she smiled so big with her pink flappy lips when he said "come on down", imagine the giggle of a baby elephant!
time to go martha said, give nat a livasnap and a big salami and she'll be fine.
off we went in my best friend's miata which seats two but there were 8 of us and it was so much fun! everyone had their comfy spot, one on half-top of another, top down, stars brilliant.
when we got to the clam shack martha found a quiet area and ordered us all to march in place, march march march, which we did. then she hit the dirt on her back and led us through some senior calisthenics.
"arms out straight! now touch your chin touch your belly genuflect and now..elbows on your knees! do the bicycle!!!"
i mentioned to martha that this was not something i was dressed for and she said..."it's ok honey, just get through it. when we get home i am making hot toddies."
at home natalie was still lounging, and glen miller started to play and we all recovered from our sweat and we laughed so hard
and drank hot toddies.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
i don't want to be here, but i can't leave
it was a reunion. my mom and dad and sister would be there, plus a huge assortment of people i didnt' know. family inviting family inviting family inviting high school friends...
i didn't want to go.
i did though, and there were tables and lawn chairs everywhere. the old folks were in the chairs or watching the news, the younger crowd was in the family room downstairs. i joined the latter and had fun entertaining them for a bit, as they toasted with shots and beers and tossed pistachios in the air. after a bit a self-proclaimed "class clown" took over my gig.
time for serving dinner - what a disaster, but i was the only one who noticed. cheeseburgers with gummy excuses for shredded cheddar, corn on the cob which should have been steamy cobs of golden sweet crunchy goodness...they were mushy and white. there was a huge salmon filet laid out on the big table and it was gorgeous! rosy and slightly charred...but when i cut into it to serve myself a piece it was tougher than a cheap steak.
as everyone was serving up, i noticed that the hostess was gazing out her front window. she said "you can see the heat coming in over the grasses. i have lived here all my life and i know what i see. it is going to be hot soon, and the bass in the river will run rich. big catch this year."
i helped with the clean-up and then HAD to get out of there. mom was mad, she thought i would stay overnight but i told her i needed to get home to bozwell -- it was midnight and he'd been alone since 9 am!
finally found my car in a sea SUV's and farm trucks and it was so confusing! i found it finally by pushing the "open trunk" button on my remote, and there she was -- three rows over.
when i got there i saw that i was parked in by a couple of semi tractors -- the part of the semi where they drive it from and sleep and so on...anyway i could not get out. someone moved one of them, but then i saw the second one was so wedged into my white taurus that there was no escaping.
nope, not going anywhere any time soon.
i didn't want to go.
i did though, and there were tables and lawn chairs everywhere. the old folks were in the chairs or watching the news, the younger crowd was in the family room downstairs. i joined the latter and had fun entertaining them for a bit, as they toasted with shots and beers and tossed pistachios in the air. after a bit a self-proclaimed "class clown" took over my gig.
time for serving dinner - what a disaster, but i was the only one who noticed. cheeseburgers with gummy excuses for shredded cheddar, corn on the cob which should have been steamy cobs of golden sweet crunchy goodness...they were mushy and white. there was a huge salmon filet laid out on the big table and it was gorgeous! rosy and slightly charred...but when i cut into it to serve myself a piece it was tougher than a cheap steak.
as everyone was serving up, i noticed that the hostess was gazing out her front window. she said "you can see the heat coming in over the grasses. i have lived here all my life and i know what i see. it is going to be hot soon, and the bass in the river will run rich. big catch this year."
i helped with the clean-up and then HAD to get out of there. mom was mad, she thought i would stay overnight but i told her i needed to get home to bozwell -- it was midnight and he'd been alone since 9 am!
finally found my car in a sea SUV's and farm trucks and it was so confusing! i found it finally by pushing the "open trunk" button on my remote, and there she was -- three rows over.
when i got there i saw that i was parked in by a couple of semi tractors -- the part of the semi where they drive it from and sleep and so on...anyway i could not get out. someone moved one of them, but then i saw the second one was so wedged into my white taurus that there was no escaping.
nope, not going anywhere any time soon.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
buyers market
what a steal!! 169,9 for all this house!
i stood in a central hall than connected staircases and big rooms and there i was spinning in my 169,9 score. a gorgeous home. archways so high above me that when i learned there was no central air, it did not bother me a bit. how could anyone ever be anything but comfortable in this space?
the ceilings were soft salmon, the trim a quite green, and this was all mine, my place to be.....
the doorbell rang and people started coming in, i didn't know some of them but they knew me, and they were so happy for me. the first 5 were nicely dressed men and they brought their cats.
more and more people came, people i knew and loved but i could not name them now... i felt a little intruded upon (was not wanting company) , till one of them explained "we were at another party and just wanted to stop by to wish you well - we won't stay long! we told our other hosts that we were going out for cheetos".
so the tour commenced and i showed them every lovely room. every lovely room was different from the one before and the master bath was something to remember in an especially kind of way.
a bubbley tub in that 2 person whirlpool, as if someone had just gotten out for the body shaped pool in the midst of the bubbles.
who was here?
oh well, here we are, and thanks for stopping by --- and please go now because it is time to put my feet up in the kitchen, snack on cheese and leftover roast turkey, and watch
the golden girls.
i stood in a central hall than connected staircases and big rooms and there i was spinning in my 169,9 score. a gorgeous home. archways so high above me that when i learned there was no central air, it did not bother me a bit. how could anyone ever be anything but comfortable in this space?
the ceilings were soft salmon, the trim a quite green, and this was all mine, my place to be.....
the doorbell rang and people started coming in, i didn't know some of them but they knew me, and they were so happy for me. the first 5 were nicely dressed men and they brought their cats.
more and more people came, people i knew and loved but i could not name them now... i felt a little intruded upon (was not wanting company) , till one of them explained "we were at another party and just wanted to stop by to wish you well - we won't stay long! we told our other hosts that we were going out for cheetos".
so the tour commenced and i showed them every lovely room. every lovely room was different from the one before and the master bath was something to remember in an especially kind of way.
a bubbley tub in that 2 person whirlpool, as if someone had just gotten out for the body shaped pool in the midst of the bubbles.
who was here?
oh well, here we are, and thanks for stopping by --- and please go now because it is time to put my feet up in the kitchen, snack on cheese and leftover roast turkey, and watch
the golden girls.
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